


they said "if you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away"

by daddycus



Series: What Doesn't Kill You (Is Bound To Try Again) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Work In Progress, peppa pig is referenced in a line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddycus/pseuds/daddycus
Summary: A tragedy throws young Tony Stark into a life of trying to numb himself, twenty-odd years later he learns he can't exactly escape what made him.Tony is 20 years younger than canon in this, tags to be added as i update. can't ruin any surprises now can i?Title is from The Calendar by Panic! At The Disco
Relationships: Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: What Doesn't Kill You (Is Bound To Try Again) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747555
Kudos: 7





	1. 1995

**Author's Note:**

> short prologue, see you very soon to begin our tragic love story

_Nightmare_ , was the first thought Anthony Stark had after he regained consciousness. Through the ringing in his ears, he could faintly hear voices and car doors closing. _Nightmare please stop please me let me go i wanna wake up i-_

“Son of a bitch,” a man cut off his scared pleading with strings of colorful curses and mutterings. What followed was a noise that, later on, will sporadically haunt his nightmares forever. It was unlike anything he’d ever heard before, high pitched and full of metal and so, so loud.

Gaining the strength to open his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the world was upside down. The roof of his dad’s prized ‘67 Impala was where the wheels should be, touching the road, and there were men cutting off the bottom of the car with what looked to be pliers that a giant would use. Howard's gonna be pissed that they hurt Baby like that.

There looked to be about eight firemen lifting the detached half of the car off of its crushed top, swearing and rushing to help him out after succeeding. One fireman carried Tony to an ambulance while he peered at the wreck, watching paramedics lying bodies on gurneys and loading them into two different ambulances.

It occurred to him, delirious as he was, that those were his parents. He could only identify them by the common sense that the last thing he remembered was being in the car with his parents. The bodies being rushed to the hospital were so mangled and bloody, if he didn’t remember anything before waking up he surely wouldn’t be able to tell you who they were. As a paramedic checked him over, baffled over how unscathed he was compared to his parents, Tony numbly thought back to what caused this mess. 


	2. 2005

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long. also sorry if it sucks. i haven't slept

December, 2005

“ _ And to conclude tonight’s program, we’d like to take two minutes of silence in commemoration of Howard and Maria Stark’s tragic passing, twenty years ago to this day.”  _

Shutting off the flat screen that hung in the corner of his office, Tony scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a sigh. He quickly composed himself, slipped on his coat and set off on his quest to get out of the building as quickly and as unnoticed as possible. 

The Universe, as luck would have it, was actually on his side this one time. He made it out the side door with minimal conversation, and seeing Happy waiting next to the car was like Christmas morning. 

“Hap, closest place I can get onion rings.” Tony slid into the backseat and immediately leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

-

Beautiful Dreamer _ streamed through the Stark family home as Howard’s youngest son completed his daily piano time. Maria Stark, looking for the earrings she could swear she left on the counter in the lounge, smiled at her son playing her all-time favorite.  _

_ “Anthony, baby,” She walked toward the concert piano sitting beautifully in the middle of the room. As she approached her son, though, the smile dropped off her face and her mouth stretched open, emitting a loud scream. _

-

“Hey uh, Anthony?” 

“It’s Tony,” he replied automatically. Wiping his eyes, he shrugs off his coat and steps out of the car. Tony takes a seat at the bar and orders a scotch, about to take a sip when a tall blonde approaches him. 

“Don’t you have all this,” She paused to gesture, “In your big fancy house?”

“Yes but all this,” He paused to mimic and over-exaggerate her previous gesture, “comes with an old man trying to turn me into my father”

That made Pepper roll her eyes, though she had to agree Obadiah was really overdoing it lately. “I’d rather have Ol’ Obie up in my face than these loud drunks. I mean, Tony, they’re British.” She whined. 

Tony chuckled and sipped at his scotch. Before he could reply, one of the loud vermin watching whatever Europeans watch spoke up.

“Oi! Who changed the channel?”

“Nobody, moron. The remote’s behind the counter,” The bartender replied. 

“Right then how do you explain the fact that we were just watching Football and now we’re sittin’ here listenin’ to a cartoon pig talk about friendship?” The bartender ignored him. 

Tony had to hide a mile behind his glass. 




“So there I was, the cat’s less than a foot away, the pregnancy tests are in my rainbow backpack and all the ice cream’s melted.” Pepper slurred out the end of one of her party stories from years ago. It’s hard to believe they’re twenty-five now, they’re no longer able to say they were ‘sixteen only four years ago’. Not that he remembered much from when he was twenty. Or sixteen. That was the year he started doing coke. 

Tony cackled, threw down an undetermined amount of money - 20’s, 50’s and 100’s all look the same when you’re drunk - and led her out to where Happy was waiting. How did he always know when and where to be? 

“You called me, Tony.” 

oH. hahaha

Happy gives him a weird look - is he thinking out loud? - and opens the door for them, asking whose doorstep he should leave Pepper on. 

“’m staying with you guys tonight. Big house, you got lots of room. And lots of nice things.” Pepper and Tony laughed as Happy closed the door after them and got in the driver’s seat. He’d been living with Tony for four years, since his paranoia took on a mind of its own. Tony wanted an army guarding him, but both his advisor and the U.S. Military told him he couldn’t have one. Which is total bullshit, honestly, because what would the government even  _ do _ if Tony got killed. Their own actual jobs for once, maybe. Slim to none chance.

Tony complained about the radio the whole way, yelling in victory when Happy actually changed the station and classic rock filled the car. 

Happy however, eyed Tony suspiciously, a little freaked out, not for once taking his mind off the fact that he hadn’t even taken his hands off the steering wheel since he started driving. 




The next morning, horrifyingly early, he’s woken up by Obadiah. 

“Anthony,” he begins, he knows Tony hates being called that, “We’ve got a business dinner later. Get up and fix yourself now, or you’ll just wake up later and be hungover during it.” 

_ Pepper would’ve brought me coffee _ , he thinks, bitterly.  _ And ibuprofen. _

His groaning increases louder in volume the longer he’s awake. Going through the motions, he showers and brushes his teeth, shaves his face, dresses and pulls out a bottle of Advil from the cabinet behind the mirror.

He takes two and fills a glass with water, carrying it to Pepper’s room and setting the glass and two pills down on the bedside table. She’s always been reckless, not caring about herself or anyone else. Himself and Happy being probably the only exceptions. When she first started working for him, stumbling in wearing fake Valentinos, she was a fierce little thing. Never afraid to tell the truth, or spit venomous words at anyone who pissed her off. 

It took a couple years, but he managed to weasel his way into her guarded heart. He learned that the reason she was so adamant of free will was because she endured two decades of having her choices taken away , stripped of her right to make her own decisions. He learned that she had a troubled childhood. Neglectful parents, abusive siblings, sexual abuse. He had a sneaking suspicion that she didn’t trust many people, the way she opened up to him sounded like she’s been needing to let it out for years and years. 

In turn, she learned about him. How his parents died when he was young, how he feels responsible but can’t remember why, how he turned to alcohol and drugs and fears he will die alone. 

When he became legally in charge of the company he’d been left fifteen years prior, he had no idea what he was doing. He’d known, they all did, that he’d take over the reigns from Obadiah when he turned twenty, but he had been too busy waking up in random bedrooms to prepare. 

Tony didn’t understand, then, why out of all the applications he got, the interviews he did, he had picked her. She was the youngest, least experienced, and had this look in her eyes - Like she was so sad, so incomprehensibly sad and broken but was still kicking, had no plans of giving up any time soon. She was a mess, that much was obvious - she didn’t even list a home address, he’s not sure she could. To him she seemed like a hurricane, just blowing through people’s lives, impacting them but never feeling enough to stay. 

And now, five years later, Tony’s so glad she decided to stay. Doesn’t know where he’d be, if he’d be, without her. 

“Pep, I brought you pain pills. You’re gonna need them.” She sits up, eyes still closed and thanks him. He walks around to the other side of the bed and climbs in, intending to stay and watch crappy TV with her until he has to get ready. 

As they watch reruns of Friends, he thinks about how much he wants to go to sleep and Obadiah, Pepper, and Happy. The only real family he has left. He loves them, even when they’re a pain in his ass, and he can’t imagine anything they could do that would change his mind. 

2008

The burlap sack is removed from his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: it's a metal bird, it's a metal plane, it's Iron Man

**Author's Note:**

> the 'pliers for a giant' are a jaws of life. sorry if i suck be nice anyway.


End file.
